Tag Archives: Isis Maternity

Down with the Sickness

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So much for blogging daily.

My entire family has been sick for what seems months. Either allergies or just a full blown head cold, I can say, this is getting old.

So of course when I set a new goal to blog daily, BAM, we all get sick. I was doing OK after about 24 hours and thought I kicked it quickly, but this nasty thing grabbed a hold of me Monday and I was in hell. It’s sad to say you’re doing worse off than a toddler. I literally couldn’t get myself out of the house to DRIVE to the park. Oh yes, it was bad.

Luckily after that 24 hours I was much better and thankfully, almost a week out, I’m about 97% there.

On top of all that, Jackie has been showing us a few new things we haven’t expected. For about 4 days now, she doesn’t want to sit down in the bath and cries that she wants out. This is a kid who has been a fish  since birth. We think it’s due to a scrape she had on her knee and that it may have stung a few days ago when she took a bath, but she’s not at the point to tell us.

My husband said that it could be her ears. Since she’s been sick for about 2 months (or really just a runny nose and low grade fever last week), it’s possible that her ears may be a bit clogged, but not infected. She’s not showing any signs that she’s in pain and is generally in good spirits during the day. She even is happy to get ready for the bath, but when we go to put her in, she cries. She’s also been complaining about things being “too loud” lately. She has great hearing but this is a bit over the top.

We think she’s remembering that her knee stung the other day, or if it is the ears, she ‘s afraid to lay back (she floats on her back in the tub) as she’s been putting her head almost all the way down to get her hair wet. I did some research last night and most people say it’s a phase, which I’m really hoping, as she has loved the water so much and it’s been tough to get her out.

I have noticed that there’s a lot of change going on right now with her. Her language exploded yet again in the last couple weeks. She’s really able to let us know what she wants and how she’s feeling (with exception to this issue). She’s trying to do a lot of stuff on her own to show to us and herself that she can do it. So all of this may be just a growth spurt in a number of areas. I just wish it was a bit easier to figure out.

Our two biggest projects that we’ll be taking on very soon, however, is to get rid of the paci and potty training. Both of these have been going on for several months, but nothing hardcore. I stupidly tried to deal with the paci situation the day I was really sick = BAD IDEA. When I wouldn’t give her the paci for nap, she literally cried and screamed for an hour.. ONE HOUR. I couldn’t believe it. This kid definitely is her mother’s daughter. And I have the audio recording to prove it. I realized that this was not going to be an easy task and it’s actually hard for me too. Not becasuae I don’t want to put the “baby phase” behind me, but because I know she’ll suffer a bit. Knowing that life gives us enough to suffer about, why start now? But she’s also acting older than she is and still has a paci to sleep. It just doesn’t make sense.

She’s also not old enough to really say “now let’s give your pacifiers to a baby that really needs them”. She’s not there yet. So it’s really just about going cold turkey. I’ve done research on this as well and most parents say that their kids cried for like 10 minutes and just went to sleep. Yeah, right. I’m trying not to be pessimistic, but it’s hard to hear her plead and cry over something that is really a small thing. But I also know, that this is the time that she really needs to find her own strength to deal with upsets. Although I know we, as parents, are here to protect our children, our main purpose is to teach them the coping skills to lead happy and successful lives. Although this may sound like a small thing, I do find she is addicted to it when she’s upset. And, good news is that we have worked with her and she can calm herself down without it (and we’ve acknowledged her for that), but SHE really needs to get that she did it on her own for it to stick.

The potty training has been going well but we haven’t been full force on that either. I did get some good ideas from her Isis teacher today which gave me some hope (just some other structures to put in place to help all of us), so that will be happening soon. I don’t want to bring on too much all at once as it will all backfire, but all I can say is that I’m learning on the job as well.

I’m just glad she’s happy, fulfilled and having fun. Although sometimes, it is hard to be Two.

Comparisons

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As moms, and parents, we all compare our kids, don’t we? I recently saw a unofficial poll on BabyCenter asking moms how much they compared their children. The answers were “always,” “sometimes,” and “never.” I have to admit, I said “always” because, well, I do. It’s understandable that I would compare my baby to others because I compare myself to others. I’m seeing a pattern here.

I know it’s “bad” but it’s almost automatic. I do it because I want to make sure she’s “doing OK,” but is that just masking something else? I can literally see she’s doing OK with my own eyes. If I wasn’t in a large city, going to moms groups or talking to other moms with small babies, I would say Jackie is doing fabulous. So why is it when I go to my moms group I have to be sure she is “keeping up” with the other little ones? It’s crazy. It’s mom brain crazy.

I was talking about this to a new friend of mine who is also a new mom. I connected with a few women in my first moms group at Isis Maternity here in Boston (Brookline). Due to her son being a bit younger than Jackie, I was constantly comparing Jackie to her son.. although they couldn’t have been any different! He was HUGE as a baby, Jackie normal or small, he was very strong and although Jackie was too, there was really no comparison. However, he’s been reaching his milestones quicker than Jackie. Was I doing something wrong, what was wrong with Jackie? What could I read, research, ask to make it better?!?!? It was really getting out of hand.

I was recently talking about “sitting up” more often than not and my friend “C” caught me. I didn’t realize I had been worrying about it, but once again, good reason to write things down, have a blog, etc. People catch you in your craziness and stop the insanity.

I asked her if I could re-post what she sent me in a message.. I thought it was brilliant and luckily she said yes.. so here it is:

“I think it’s really important for us to remember that we aren’t in control of our kid’s milestones. We can help them and encourage them to some degree, but their milestone markers aren’t ultimately reflections on us or of how we parent. Jax likely wouldn’t be getting up on her arms any more if you’d done lots of tummy time. It’s likely just how she’s wired. By the same token, I have friends who have babies that cry all the time, are not what we deem of as happy babies, but the parents are happy people, who shower their kids with love. The kid is just grumpy but will grow out of it. Some kids are super chill and don’t accomplish milestones at a fast pace even though their parents may be strong or active individuals.

I think we feel good about ourselves when our kids are developing well…and we’re allowed to feel good, but we shouldn’t get too attached in either direction. We need to hold onto something, but sometimes it means we put too much stock in our child as a reflection of our parenting. It’s hard to strike a balanced approached to all this. A constant learning curve, isn’t it?”

It definitely is a learning curve and, at least for me, I need to chill on the comparing. I can see more and more that this is more a reflection of me rather than wondering if my child is doing well. Honestly, I think this has more to do with how I am doing as a parent. Yikes.

For any parents reading this, do you compare and how much do you do it? Feel free to comment. I’d love to get your views.