“Six months ago today, at 11:05am, our little angel was born. Little did I know what love was and little did I know what she would offer me, and the world..”
This is the status on my Facebook page right now. It’s hard to believe that my little bird is 6 months old. I’ve been thinking about her growth, her journey over the past week or so, but it really hit me last night how much I love her and how much my life is changing because she is in it.
For those that are reading this blog and haven’t read any of my pregnancy blogs, I can tell you that I was really scared about becoming a mom. I’m “older” (now 39) and had my life. Although I always wanted a family, that proverbial “clock” never seemed to be ticking for me, no less the alarm going off. I finally determined that it probably wouldn’t go off and I just needed to go for it before it really was too late. The process of getting pregnant was not a fun one as we had to go thru a few IUI processes for Jackie to come to us. In the end, it was all worth it, but when someone goes thru that process, a lot of the time you tend to get a bit detached from what’s going on as it seems so technical. For example, I know more about pregnancy and how to get pregnant that most moms that have gotten pregnant naturally. Because of all the attempts, drugs and research, it’s just part of the gig.
And fast forwarding to the end of the pregnancy, there were so many classes to take and preparation, the bonding process, at least for me, was really tough. It honestly wasn’t until about week three that I felt truly connected with Jackie. I can say it was scary at first asking myself if I would bond with this baby and doubting whether I would be up for raising her, but in the end, everything turned around, she was an angel and it was one of the easiest things I had to do.
I can think back and it doesn’t seem like 6 months ago when we brought her home… but then on the other hand, it does. All I can say is that she is the best baby in the world, hands down. I’m sure most moms say this about their kid, but this is really the case. 🙂 She has made my life easy.. as far as taking care of a baby is concerned. After I started understanding her cues (which was at about 6 weeks), it was like we were a fine tuned machine. I always wondered how moms just “knew” what was going on with their kids when they cried. Now I know. There are different cries. Other people wouldn’t be able to determine the difference, but that baby’s mom can. From there, it was just getting me up to speed–finding a way to not feel isolated, creating what a stay at home mom looked like and looking at the reality of not going back to work as a career woman. I do have to say it was hard, not to mention Winter came much too fast.
But as the weeks went on, and I got to know Jackie, she gave me the sun in my life that I was missing. The smiles came, she started to recognize us and her personality was arising.. and then.. the laughing. I can tell you, there wasn’t one thing that could EVER cheer me up when I was down.. I’m telling you, nothing (bless my DH), but when I hear Jackie laugh, there’s nothing stopping my mood from changing. She’s a crazy, happy baby and loves laughing.. and it reminds me how much I used to laugh when I was younger.. and how I need to bring that back into my life.
They say that God only gives you as much as you can handle and in the beginning that sure was the case. But I think now, in some way, I’m being rewarded. I’m not sure for what as I always thought I was being punished for some reason (for every time I failed, etc.), but here I am with this baby that loves life, is so smart, and loves me unconditionally. Do I deserve this?
Whether I do or not, there she is–sleeping like a champ, giving me the joy I desperately needed, and showing me what unconditional love is all about. I feel I could go on and on about her, but I’ll stop here.
I love you, little bird.. and happy half year birthday 🙂