Monthly Archives: November 2011

Life without our Bird

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This weekend I got a major dose of reality regarding how I feel about my daughter. She’s basically part of my soul now.

I knew I had a major connection with Jax, but it wasn’t until my husband and I had a “staycation” this weekend (thanks to Aunt Babs) that I got to actually FEEL that connection.

I missed her from the minute we dropped her off. She was only to be about 5 minutes away, but two days without her was now feeling like an eternity. Don’t get me wrong.. I’ve had afternoons and probably up to 8 hours away from her, but it was the special times like waking in the morning, naps and putting her to bed that caused me some pain. My heart was heavy with sadness, like when I was in my 20s and broke up with someone. I never thought I would feel that pain again. Although it obviously wasn’t the same context, it definitely was the same pain.

My husband and I had fun hanging out, celebrating his birthday and sleeping in, but honestly, I was waking up at the same time those two mornings and just going back to sleep. The place was quiet and other sounds around the house made me think of her.

This entire expeirnece was one I partially expected, but not at this level. Although I was sad and wondered why I was putting myself thru the stress, I also am so fortunate that I have this type of love in my life–unconditional. And, it was great to reconnect with my husband. It had been over 2 years since we had an entire weekend “alone,” and by today (Sunday), I was actually getting used to our “old life” again πŸ™‚

Picking up Jax, though, was fun and exciting. My heart raced as we drove to go get her. My husband and I were both overflowing with joy. And then to see her, she was excited too wanting to show us all the drawings she did during the weekend and then giving us hugs. She even said “I missed you Mama.” Fairly amazing for an almost 2.5 year old.

I’m glad I had this experience, but wondering what other vacations will be like without her (if we choose to do that) and if it’s even worth the stress. This was such a wild experience as it really took me this long to fully bond with her. I’m not a “baby person” I always say, and although I loved her dearly as she was growing, we had done a few overnights without her and I was just fine. A bit choked up initialy, but nothing like this weekend. I literally lost it the first night and sobbed for a good 15 minutes.

My little Bird is spreading her wings these days. She’s still two, but getting very communicative and independent. It’s cool to watch, but daunting too. I’m wondering if I can keep up with her learning and growth. All I know to do is take her lead and I’ll be fine. I’m just glad that she had a blast with Aunt Babs this weekend and I heard there were no tears. I hope she stays that happy forever.

“Still They Ride” always reminds me of kids and their freedom. I always think of myself riding my bike fast down the road with no care in the world, and as I wrote this, all I could related this song to was Jax.. enjoy.

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Crazy, Wonderful

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This weekend was a whirlwind of stuff to do centering around our family, but it was all good. It turned out probably better than expected so I can’t complain. It’s nice when life works out that way πŸ™‚

Saturday, we headed to the Little Sprouts Open House. This is a pre-school that is opening a location over the hill from us, literally. I have been contemplating schools for Jackie for the fall. I wanted her to be in some group and/or curriculum based program to see how she would do in that environment. I’ve also reached a level where it’s going to be tougher and tougher to keep up with her (but more about that in a future post).

That went very well on Saturday as DH and Jackie’s “Aunt Babs” came along. Jackie took to the rooms very well, played with all the new toys and I got to talk to a lot of the administration (again). I’m very happy with the school and worst case is I could take her out of there after a few months, but I don’t see that as an issue. We can’t lock in a Fall spot for a bit as they open this week and they also have summer enrollment. I did speak with the Executive Director and she told me she may be able to let me know about Fall next month which would be GREAT and a huge weight off my shoulders. *Fingers Crossed*

 

Sunday, we had our holiday photo shoot. I had made the appointment about 6 weeks ago as I wanted the same photographer that we’ve had several times. Got a call from the manager last week saying that they had overlooked the note in the schedule and I may not be able to get her. I told him I was disappointed in that response, but would do whatever we had to do to make it happen. Ended up that not only did we get Jai, but she sat with me to pick out the photos AND gave me an amazing deal! VERY happy with the outcome, as Jackie was not having it when we first got there. It was amazing she got so many great ones.. case in point of why I wanted Jai.

Today we had a beautiful morning in the fall sun at the park and playing in leaves. I’m getting to the point where I LOVE Mondays as it’s a “down day” for Jackie and me. We don’t have classes on this day, so we are not runnning around in the morning and we can take it easy to get outside. It’s fun, relaxing and stress-free.

Soon I will get in the habit of just uploading my photos the day of so I can post one here, but for now, you can just imagine a beautiful, sunny, Autumn day in New England with the yellow, crunchy leaves on the ground and a little two year old running around, smiling and laughing without a care in the world.

Enjoy!

Down with the Sickness

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So much for blogging daily.

My entire family has been sick for what seems months. Either allergies or just a full blown head cold, I can say, this is getting old.

So of course when I set a new goal to blog daily, BAM, we all get sick. I was doing OK after about 24 hours and thought I kicked it quickly, but this nasty thing grabbed a hold of me Monday and I was in hell. It’s sad to say you’re doing worse off than a toddler. I literally couldn’t get myself out of the house to DRIVE to the park. Oh yes, it was bad.

Luckily after that 24 hours I was much better and thankfully, almost a week out, I’m about 97% there.

On top of all that, Jackie has been showing us a few new things we haven’t expected. For about 4 days now, she doesn’t want to sit down in the bath and cries that she wants out. This is a kid who has been a fishΒ  since birth. We think it’s due to a scrape she had on her knee and that it may have stung a few days ago when she took a bath, but she’s not at the point to tell us.

My husband said that it could be her ears. Since she’s been sick for about 2 months (or really just a runny nose and low grade fever last week), it’s possible that her ears may be a bit clogged, but not infected. She’s not showing any signs that she’s in pain and is generally in good spirits during the day. She even is happy to get ready for the bath, but when we go to put her in, she cries. She’s also been complaining about things being “too loud” lately. She has great hearing but this is a bit over the top.

We think she’s remembering that her knee stung the other day, or if it is the ears, she ‘s afraid to lay back (she floats on her back in the tub) as she’s been putting her head almost all the way down to get her hair wet. I did some research last night and most people say it’s a phase, which I’m really hoping, as she has loved the water so much and it’s been tough to get her out.

I have noticed that there’s a lot of change going on right now with her. Her language exploded yet again in the last couple weeks. She’s really able to let us know what she wants and how she’s feeling (with exception to this issue). She’s trying to do a lot of stuff on her own to show to us and herself that she can do it. So all of this may be just a growth spurt in a number of areas. I just wish it was a bit easier to figure out.

Our two biggest projects that we’ll be taking on very soon, however, is to get rid of the paci and potty training. Both of these have been going on for several months, but nothing hardcore. I stupidly tried to deal with the paci situation the day I was really sick = BAD IDEA. When I wouldn’t give her the paci for nap, she literally cried and screamed for an hour.. ONE HOUR. I couldn’t believe it. This kid definitely is her mother’s daughter. And I have the audio recording to prove it. I realized that this was not going to be an easy task and it’s actually hard for me too. Not becasuae I don’t want to put the “baby phase” behind me, but because I know she’ll suffer a bit. Knowing that life gives us enough to suffer about, why start now? But she’s also acting older than she is and still has a paci to sleep. It just doesn’t make sense.

She’s also not old enough to really say “now let’s give your pacifiers to a baby that really needs them”. She’s not there yet. So it’s really just about going cold turkey. I’ve done research on this as well and most parents say that their kids cried for like 10 minutes and just went to sleep. Yeah, right. I’m trying not to be pessimistic, but it’s hard to hear her plead and cry over something that is really a small thing. But I also know, that this is the time that she really needs to find her own strength to deal with upsets. Although I know we, as parents, are here to protect our children, our main purpose is to teach them the coping skills to lead happy and successful lives. Although this may sound like a small thing, I do find she is addicted to it when she’s upset. And, good news is that we have worked with her and she can calm herself down without it (and we’ve acknowledged her for that), but SHE really needs to get that she did it on her own for it to stick.

The potty training has been going well but we haven’t been full force on that either. I did get some good ideas from her Isis teacher today which gave me some hope (just some other structures to put in place to help all of us), so that will be happening soon. I don’t want to bring on too much all at once as it will all backfire, but all I can say is that I’m learning on the job as well.

I’m just glad she’s happy, fulfilled and having fun. Although sometimes, it is hard to be Two.

Writing About Writing

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It’s been a LONG time since I’ve written here. I just posted on my personal blog and linked this one. As I came over to determine if I wanted to change the look and such,Β  I saw that I had about 8 views in the last 15 minutes. That told me I had to write something πŸ™‚

There’s so much that has gone on since April of this year with my family, my daughter and myself and I’m not going to even try to rehash all those things, but let’s just say they will come in time.

For now, the small updates these days are my daughter just turned 27 months and is a true toddler. I love this age and love her to death. She’s funny, smart and independant. I’ve been waiting for this age since WAY before I had kids.. even before I even thought about marriage. I just love that toddlers are more like “little people” and you can finally communicate with them in a way you both understand. I know I will miss this age a lot as time goes on, but for now, I’m doing all I can to enjoy her. We go to three classes a week, the park quite often and I’m teaching her a bit of Spanish. She still signs when she really wants something and I find that extremely cool.

She loves her routine (just like mom) and our weeks are quite fun. I’m finally getting to the place of saying that this is better than work. That in itself is a great thing πŸ™‚

 

However, as I wrote in my other blog, I do recall why I stopped writing. I had gotten a HUGE energy spike earlier this year from finding other local bloggers and mom bloggers. I went to a few events, as I wanted to see if I could actually have a “job” writing blogs. Although the events were OK, I wasn’t blown away. I met some really great people, but unfortunately, none of those people were really using their blogs for monetary use. Most had just started (a lot like me) and didn’t have the monetary part as an end goal.

As with many things I’ve done in my life, I got very frustrated after putting a lot of energy into something and when it didn’t work as quickly as I’d like, I give up or pull away. I could probably go back into my calendar and look at when the last meeting was and when I stopped writing to find the correlation.

It’s no one’s fault other than mine and I guess that needed to happen. I have other things I like to put energy into and places where things (or people) take my time. This is a choice, but I always think I can take on a lot for a small amount of time. Usually that is not the case.

So for now, I’ll be back just writing about my life and what’s going on, my opinions and thoughts on things. I do love to write, but when I lose the context of why I love it, the frustration happens and I “quit.”

But, for the 10th time, maybe I will take on a game to write daily, either here or on my personal blog, to see what shows up. It’s worth a shot πŸ™‚